all of us must swim the seas because our path’s been washed away

I spent most of the weekend neglecting my body and obsessing over religious topics. Also using up the last of my Chronic Essentials 1:1 THC:CBD oil. Thus, I had to leave the house. It really came to that.

Sometimes when I leave the house I’ll be amazed at how many stressful or depressing things happen in such a short span of time. The other night, in a similar state of neglecting to eat for too long, I resorted to a fast food burrito (no cheese and no sour cream). The short walk would at least be good to do. I needed to move my legs.

A woman and her daughter were in front of me in line, both very overweight. They ordered some stuff, and deciding on drinks was the last thing. They were going to share a small, but the daughter suggested that might be a bad idea because it might make her mom sick. Two fountain drinks, then. Out of nowhere, the mom said something really hurtful, and it sounded like she meant it but it’d be a “joke” if someone called her on it. It was something like the daughter could get sick and die. I don’t remember, exactly. There was this moment where the daughter just looked at her mom in shock, and I looked at the daughter in shock, and we made brief eye contact. I was dumbstruck that witnessing such a moment was part of ordering a burrito after neglecting myself all afternoon.

OK, that’s what I get for going there. If I stayed on top of dishes, cooking wouldn’t be overwhelming if I’m already tired. But maybe I’m low on groceries…Anyway, I left and started walking home. There was a pair of old Asian ladies walking in the same direction as me. I transferred my bag of food from one hand to another, to facilitate walking around them and give them a heads-up. They saw me dressed in all black wearing a hood and basically jumped with fright and made too much room for me to pass.

I was so busy thinking about Buddhism all weekend that I forgot about being black! I look like this to everybody else!

I’ve noticed a disturbing trend: people bringing speakers to the skatepark and playing music I don’t like. Tonight, I was the only black person at the skatepark besides the radio, which was talking about how many bitches he’d fucked in which way in which room. Someone’s girlfriend he’d dragged there would kill time by practicing dance moves off in a corner when nobody was looking. It would be socially inappropriate to strike up a conversation about rape culture and masculinity in skateboarding. Why doesn’t everyone who wants to skate with music use headphones with their phone?

I don’t get to be the meaning of black people at the skatepark, even when I’m the only black person there. The other races bring their idea of black people and broadcast it. Mainly menacing big black dicks to remind people for when we need to lynch somebody, with house Negroes cooperating.

In an earlier post, I wrote about Bad Religion’s album Stranger than Fiction. Another life-changing album was Arrested Development’s 3 Years,5 Months & 2 Days In The Life Of…. Someone was getting rid of a bunch of CDs and my dad brought a bunch home in case I’d like any of them. There was that and a TLC album that I remember keeping. This is the opposite of the music at the skatepark:

Truly, I’m alarmed at the rapid moral decline of Western civilization.

It’s not that I don’t like rap. It’s just that so much of it is angry niggers trying to seem threatening and acting like stereotypes. It’s a reminder of social conditions that I hate. I have relationship problems because people expect me to be that, whether they think it’s a good or a bad thing. I can’t even skate to get some exercise for 30 minutes without someone bringing special equipment to make it crappier there. What gives them the right?

In 1992, there was socially uplifting rap that achieved mainstream popularity, if you can imagine.



There was an ode to monogamy. “Marriage takes discipline.” Sing along, kids!

I grew up with rap music that taught people not to be fucked up! This helped with my de-Jehovah’s Witnessing process:

I was an impressionable 4th grader who’d just been uprooted and moved to Sicily.


LOL early radicalization. “Most of the people follow the serpent.” That’s what the people at the Kingdom Hall and Bad Religion said. Everyone agrees!

People told me some truth as soon as I was old enough to understand it, and thank god. The problem is really as simple as people didn’t hear Arrested Development and understand the meaning as children. My dad was from Clarksdale, Mississippi, which isn’t far from Tennessee. The song had an extra layer of meaning for me because of the line about “take me to another place, take me another land, make me forget all that hurts me, help me understand your plan.” All my international military brat moving sadness.

What’s sad to me now is that the phrase “Arrested Development” evokes white people jokes about prison, because they have to colonize every last thing.

That shit is only funny to someone who’s never had a real fear of prison. The fact that white people found something that was good for black people and specifically erased it from cultural memory…It’s evil to replace the original Arrested Development with something racist and dehumanizing. It was depressing that it was, like, everybody’s favorite show in my OkCupid results at one point.