I came up with an analogy to illustrate the problem with autism parents and their tales of woe. Black people and autistic people are both stigmatized to the point of being considered subhuman, so here goes:
Imagine an alternate universe where the only difference is that 1 in 68 white babies turn black in utero. Of course, most white people are biased against black people, implicitly or explicitly. It’s a known fact. It’s also known that most white people deny the existence of racism and their participation in racism.
In this universe, it’s a terrible tragedy when you realize your child isn’t like the other children. All the hardships they’ll face (we have nothing to do with those)! There’s a lot of cognitive dissonance caused by hating persons with blackness yet wanting to love your alien child. You tell yourselves that this is a journey and a growth opportunity. Maybe they’ll find a way to whiten his skin and straighten his hair. Look at Michael Jackson! We need to lobby Congress for more funding to find the cure for blackness.
Of course, the black children will grow up as their white parents’ black friend that “proves” the parents aren’t racist. The child will hear all the racist remarks and experience all the “micro-aggressions,” and they’ll be so over-sensitive! You can’t take them anywhere because there’s always some little thing setting them off. Antipsychotics can help with anger they express in those episodes (a few families are even trying cannabis in desperation).
Again, everyone can agree that autism is heavily stigmatized. Everyone can agree that the Autism Fairy doesn’t pre-screen the parents for their parenting skills in any way. So why wouldn’t we expect parallel problems for autistic children born to neurotypical families?