it seems autism problems suck more than depression or going to the dentist

Since getting diagnosed, I’ve wondered how much stress ASD is adding to my life.  In other words, how bad is it for normal people?  How bad am I cursed?

Over the last week, I’ve been having intense work drama, where I’m having to document a bunch of complex stuff to show how my performance is being over-scrutinized relative to others.  Needing to invoke ADA in June after getting diagnosed in February.  It’s all very stressful, but for now I’m assuming that my employer will listen to reason.

I was actually getting tendonitis, so I went and got a doctor’s note mandating 50% time for a bit.  A reprieve from the death march.

I started to feel depressed, and then relieved that I was depressed.  From experience, that meant the worst of the acute stress was over.  Long-term stress, anxiety, or irritation is usually followed by a period of depression.  Conclusion:  autism creates life situations where depression is actually an improvement.

I had the day off anyway, due to a late afternoon dental appointment.  Just a cleaning.  It was sort of relaxing to be there, since it took my mind off things.  Second conclusion:  autism is worse than going to the dentist.

It was a new dentist, since the old one was forced out of his location by the landlords of the mall, so he joined someone else’s office.  So I had to talk about my dental history.  I explained that, back when I was getting divorced, I had super bad jaw clench at night, to the point that it was difficult to open my mouth wide enough for a fork with some food on it.  I got a nightguard thing that I stopped needing when I wasn’t in the middle of getting divorced anymore.  Awkward moment:  the dentist asked if I’d “moved on.”  At first I kept silent, hoping he’d take the hint (nonverbal communication!).  Then he repeated the question and I had to mumble something.  It’s such a deep, multi-faceted question.  It’s all too much.

Also, today was landscaping day at the apartment complex, with people digging the road up in the neighborhood this week.

Relaxing day off.

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